Morena Readers,
Today we have been learning to fix surface features. Surface features are tiny bits in your writing, like repeated, spelling and punctuation. We need to use surface features because it makes our writing easier for other people to read. We had to fix our writing if there was too many repeated words. This is a example: thissentsaChulymakessen Zbuttisrellyhrd to reed.
On our room 9 writing site our teacher put a link to a story we needed to fix. We made our own copy. We had to read it once and find the end of the sentences, and put capital letters in the end of the sentences. We had to change the repeated words to different words.
We had to change to the character names to real names. I was the narrator, Xavier and Sean were the actors. Xavier was the bad man and Sean was the boy.
This is the story when it was not fixed.
He kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder he tried not to suffocate as he laid under the bed he was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. The man with the knife in his hand stormed around the house. Mums had boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us maybe he was one of them looking for revenge but why would he come. mum would just move and how did he find us we live on the other side of the planet from where all of mums boyfriends were so how could he find us he might have put a tracker on mum when he last saw her or on one of the devises ‘Hello where are you I know your here you're going to tell me where you're mother is or you shall join your father... in the skies so which will it be death or freedom you have 10 seconds chose wisely’
This is the story I fixed.
Timmy kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder. He tried not to suffocate as he laid under the bed. He was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. The man with the knife in his hand stormed around the house.
Mum has boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us maybe.
He was one of them looking for revenge but why would the guy come. Mum would just move. How did he find us? We live on the other side of the planet from where all of mum”s boyfriends were. So how could he find us? This guy might have put a tracker on mum when he last saw her or on one of the devices.
“Hello, where are you? I know you're here. You're going to tell me where your mother is or you shall join your father...in the skies. So which will it be death or freedom! You have ten seconds choose wisely”
Hello Rinaz.
ReplyDeleteCan you change your work so that it goes down your page,which will make it easier to read?.
Thank you